Metamorphosist
by Prosthetic Forehead
Summary: "You no doubt have many questions. I would be a poor teacher if I did not give the answers you seek." She whispers softly, skin like thick sheets of ice. "But first, we must leave this place, Naruto. We must hurry, before they find us." - With Konoha's fate in Naruto's hands, will he seek its demise, or its defense? Haku/Naru/Tenten
1. Something Other Than Nothing

Please review if you enjoy. It means much to me to have feedback. Most of this work will be very rough, but do not hold back.

* * *

that can be spoken is not the eternal  
that can be named is not the eternal  
nameless  
is the origin of heaven and earth  
named is the mother  
of myriad things  
without desire,  
one observes its essence  
with desire,  
one observes its manifestations  
two emerge together  
but differ in name  
unity  
is said to be the mystery  
the door to all wonders

-Unknown

* * *

The back of my hand is raw and red. Throbbing. Numb. I bring it up to my face and press my fingers against the bronzed flesh, plucking a sharp tendril of wood. There's a brief sting as it comes loose. A hiss of pain, I think my own voice. It disturbs the silence, the dumb roll of my heart and the sliding of sweat across my skin.

I think I'm breathing, wincing as I clench my fists. Before me is a battered log. It is twisted in an angry way, a sizable patch of it - about the size of my hand - denting the rotten carapace. I lift up my heavy foot and smash the log, knocking it over, feeling it give way, cleaving in two messy chunks, sinking into the damp grass.

I stare at the ruined log, gazing into my toes. My white sandal is tattered and I can feel my shin pounding. How many times did I strike that log in the last month? All to prepare. To deaden myself. That is what the training was for. So I could forget pain. So I could overcome it. So I could succeed.

I kick it, the top half tumbling loosely onto its back, exposing a few insects that had been dwelling inside. I grimace and look away, turning my gaze toward the trees, finding my chest tight. I suck in a sharp breath and hold back tears. Why did I even think I could do it?

I can't even blame them. It isn't anybody's fault but mine. I fucked around and thought my minimal effort would be enough. That somehow, I'd see it through. It would work out in the end. Guuzen - couldn't I live by that? I stare blindly at the wall of trees, the abyss of shadow mingling with the sinking sun, averting my eyes as the glare rapidly sets. I turn around, shuffling my feet against the dirt and tugging on my shredded orange pants.

"I watched you today." A voice says, my eyes stretching as something soft scrapes against the back of my neck, my spine contorting.

Horrible icy spines pierce my flesh. I forget everything I've ever learned. I become like a stone, unable to breathe. Unable to think. Cold flesh against my numb neck - two fingers - they pinch me. I gasp, stumbling forward, whilring around on my heel, reaching for my back pocket - realizing that my only weapon has been removed from me. Not that it would have mattered, as my vision focuses, I see her.

She stands with a teasing hand on her hip, my rusty dull kunai under her pallid palm.

She has long black hair, long bangs framing a small, cheeky face. The back is done-up into a silky bun, clamped tight with a pin. Wide brown eyes set between a long narrow nose and thin pink lips. A long neck extends downward, a pair of nude shoulders sloping slenderly to thin, firm arms. She wears a loose black top, a dark mesh underneath. Her collar is exposed, fragile bones popping up from above the subtle curve of her chest. Below black pants cinch, tightly gripping her muscular thighs and blade-like shins, a brown sash tied around her waist. White tabi cover her small feet, bulbous toes poking from her flat, open sandals.

"It was interesting." She murmurs, lifting her hand up and casting it down, depositing my kunai deep inside the earth. Exactly halfway between us. Almost within reach if I were to lunge forward.

"You failed." Her pale pink lips quirk slightly and she tilts her head, "I did not expect that."

"I did." I mumble, remembering to breathe somehow, my body rigid and locked-up, my eyes floating up, "I did." I say it raggedly, "What do you care about it?"

"You are upset." She says, "There is no need to be. Failure... is success. In its own way. If you wait enough... to realize."

I stare harshly into those eyes, unsure what they are. They are like a bear's fine coat. Like the mane of a mangy, mottled crow. Pure like fresh, filthy mud. Maybe... chocolate ice cream?

"If you're... you've been sent to kill me." I giggle and feel everything leave me in a rush. My heart like a symphony in my bones. I laugh, unable to hold back a dry grin, "Then go ahead." My hands slide down my sides tugging at the orange vest around my chest, "Go ahead. I understand why you have to. I have no hard feelings. I know." I laugh again, my stomach tightening, wave rising in my belly. I'm sick. But it's a sickness of relief. That it might be finally over.

"You know?" The girl firms her lips into a frown, lower lip sagging as she takes a step forward, "You know what?"

"Oh, I know everything." I jerk back, pointing at her, my arm shaking, "I know why I was left alive. Why you didn't just kill me when I was a kid. And why I was sent to the academy. And why everyone hates me... but doesn't tell me why."

She huffs, "Well, I'm not sure what you think you know, but I don't know a thing about that. Nor am I here to kill you."

She brings her hands up and pushes her dark bangs behind her pale ears, smiling slightly wider, giving me a glimpse of the tips of her pearly teeth, "You may call me Haku. I was sent here... or came rather, to aid you."

"Huh?" I laugh, "'Aid' me? What's that supposed to mean? Are you sure you got your orders right? I'm pretty sure I was to be executed, the moment I didn't pass. I mean, what good am I otherwise? I'm just a liability right?" I shiver, the sick feeling creeping deeper into my chest. Swirling like a whirlpool, sucking away all rationale.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Naruto." She keeps smiling, it slowly fading into a slight smirk, "Perhaps you'd like to tell me about it?"

She presses forward, I meet her evenly with steps back, my feet sliding against the grass, the blades tickling me through my thin pants, bringing my hands up in front of my face, palms open, "I'm sorry... Haku, but I don't exactly think that's something I should be telling an... enemy."

That smirk deflates, I jump back when she stomps her foot, "Enemy? Well, if you think I'm your enemy-" she huffs, cheeks puffing and burning a buzzing scarlet, "- then you should know the first rule about being a ninja. Keep your enemies close." In a movement I can't even perceive - let alone react to - she darts forward, hands penetrating my guard, fingers coiling around my jacket and lifting me off the ground with incredible speed and strength, "If I wanted to kill you now, I would." She whispers sharply, my her feral gaze commanding my attention, "If I wanted to know your secrets, I would." She grips tighter as she releases me, gently settling me on the ground, "I'm not here to kill you. And... I don't understand why you would think that. I am here to aid you. That... is all I can say."

My heart is in my fingertips when I reach for her hands and pry them off my chest, taking a half step back, "F-fine. So you're not here to kill me. What do you want?"

There is silence.

And then a soft growl. It's wrenching in her throat. But she quiets. "I am... here to aid you. I think... you'll understand in time what that means. But for now... all it means... is that if you wish to continue your training... as a ninja... I can assist with that." Her voice becomes raspy until she coughs for a few brief moments, "Sorry, would you happen to have some water? Or some tea?" she attempts to stifle a giggle as I stare at her, an awkward grin on her face as time hangs, crickets chirping. My eyes averting toward the lumpy earth.

"Fine. Whatever."

I turn around, the surrounding trees whirling like a kalediscope of green and emerald - and I stumble toward a pair of heart-shaped bushes, pulling free a napsack with a small container of food and water. I turn and curl my fingers toward the strange girl, inviting her closer, "We can sit down over 'ere." There's a small wooden table and chairs in a small grassy grove beside some twisted, mangled, dried up trees.

I shakily pull out two ceramic cups and pour ice cold water into both. I grab the handle on mine and drag it towards my barren lips, swallowing with a sigh.

She shares my drink, sipping quietly from a white, black spotted cup. The soft porcelain bleeding against her skin. I say nothing for what seems like a long time, just idly staring at her, with nothing to say but she seems like she understands. At least until her foot rams itself into my shin.

"Y-yiiiao! W-what the hell?"

She smiles playfully, "You're acting oddly comfortable with someone who you thought was going to kill you."

"Yeah. Well. So what? If you had. I wouldn't have cared."

"Of course not, you'd be dead then."

"That's not the point."

"Of course not. But it's true."

"...whatever."

She sets the cup down and drums her perfectly white fingernails against the shabby, beaten table, "You know, you're more boring than you seem. Not only did you fail today, but it seems like you've given up."

"H-haha!" I lean back, that sick wind in my chest again, "Of course I've given up. There's only so much you can try- and I've tried. Well, maybe not as hard as I could have in the past- but in the last month... I mean... I did. I thought it would be enough. And... and it obviously wasn't. So it's over right? What's the point? I can't be a ninja. I might as well give up!" I realize my voice is so loud, it boucning everywhere, echoing off the trees, reverberating embarassingly around the quiet girl. I deafen myself, "As it is... I'd be like the oldest recruit. I probably wouldn't last a day after graduation. They'd probably even... just give me a stupid desk job or something."

"Many would enjoy the comfort of a stupid desk job."

"Not me."

"Not you." She nods solemnly, placing her hands together and nodding again.

"If you're here to train me... then you're wasting your time... why don't you go speak to... Uchiha or Haruno? Even... that Hyuuga girl has more potential than me..."

"That's not what I've been told." She says softly, finishing her drink. I pour her some more, emptying the vanilla thermos, the sky turning a murky orange, rapidly fading into a brown abyss, strange shadows playing upon the table. I swear, I can see the eyes of a fox, a sinister grin, twinkling at me.

"But... if you have truly given up." She mumbles, "I suppose I will have to inform my master. He will be disappointed, but he may understand..." she sighs, shoulders slumping, the straps of her top sliding off her. She blushes slightly and adjusts the foamy fabric against her skin, shuffling uncomfortably in her seat.

She waits a while in silence. Expecting me to say something. To refute her. To tell her I.. or she- or something is right or wrong. But I don't say anything. I just stare at her, feeling my heart grow calm, my words hanging stiffly in the air. I won't take my words back no matter how much they may sting her... or myself.

"I should at least deliver something to you. Provided you can promise to keep a secret... I am technically not supposed to be here in Konoha." She smiles, though not with much enthusiasm. I notice the color has drained from her cheeks, her eyes curiously studying me, "Even if you are to refuse the training I am offering you... please accept this. And tell no one where you obtained it." Her hands lift up from the table, placing a single scroll and unrolling it.

The paper is rotten, the edges black and crumbling. A single symbol is written in the middle, a circle concentric with it. Faintly, I can make out other words on the page, though they are deeply faded and smudged.

It reads: Wind.

"What is it?"

"You will need to protect yourself from harm, even if you should refuse training. Men will hunt you. Not because they detest you, but because they desire you for their own ends. I am surprised... that you are relatively unharmed here. But it will not be long until you become their prey."

She lunges forward across the table, knocking over her cup, clasping my hands. Her thumbs are so soft as they rub against mine, her glassy eyes pleading, "You must not die. Even if you... don't care about your own life... your death will bring ruin not just to this place... but many others. A destruction... no one will ever recover from. One that even... my master cannot stop."

I push her hands away and reach underneath, taking the scroll of paper, carefully rolling it back up, "Fine. I will take it. But... only because you've asked me to. It's..." I can't help but sigh, "- but - why should I care? If I die... and it does ruin someone else's life... that's not my problem." I grin, "Like you said, I'll be dead. And they probably deserve whatever fortune they bring onto themselves- it's not like- it's not like they deserve anything from me."

She looks away, "Perhaps you are not as unharmed as I thought." She grumbles, standing, "Thank you for your time Naruto. I can't give you reasons to act as you do. Your choice is not something I will force. But please... hold onto that. It is a special seal that will warn you of the men that hunt you, when they draw close."

She starts to walk away.

"Wait- that's it? It's just going to warn me? That's... not exactly very helpful."

The sky is turning black now as I stand up, following her as her pace increases, the shadows of the trees growing longer as they merge completely into darkness.

"It could do more. Much more. But without training... it is all I can give you. It might be enough... I hope." My feet are so heavy, it's hard to keep up with her. The wind rushes past my hollow body. Her hair moves like a graceful bird in flight, swaying with the cool breeze.

"Good luck Naruto. I am sorry that it had to turn out this way."

Before I can say anymore, she is gone. A crackling flash is all I hear as she disappears into the trees, leaving me stranded in a forgotten, gangly thicket. I can feel my skin pounding where bushes reached out and scraped my forearms, leaving angry red marks. I press on them and turn around, feeling blindly in the darkness, shuffling out into the clearing, my heart becoming dead as I try to understand... what just happened.

I roll out of bed, immediately wondering why no one has come to talk with me since I failed. The apartment is a mess. My dirty clothes line the floor, my feet pushing them out of the way as I shamble toward the bathroom. A lone bookshelf sits crumpled in the corner, a collapsed desk by the foot of my bed. I've never had much use for them. I used to just stack books and clothes ontop of them, at least until they gave way underneath the weight.

The walls are a dim beige, familiar shadows staring back at me. Light bursts from the seems of the shades of the two windows inside the cramped room. When I reach out and open the bathroom door, I push my thoughts away and duck into the icy cold water of the showerhead, gritting and clenching. It took forever to fall asleep last night. It will be impossible to rid myself of these thoughts. To forget about that strange girl and the note I left on the kitchen table.

I don't regret telling her the truth.

But I can't help but wonder what I plan to do today. Will I just... sit around and do nothing? Before, I'd warm up... then go train... then eat something... then train some more... then... sometimes I would see a movie or something but...

I open my eyes and stare at the grimey grey tile wall. My hands find their way through my thick tangled hair as it clings to my face.

The shower ends and I slink quietly back to my room, dripping water everywhere. I find some clothes - orange track pants and a black tank top. They clutch my wet flesh. I sculpt my hair blindly with my hands, pushing hairs from my face, annoyed. I should probably cut my hair. I'd rather not get stares again though... so it can wait a few more days at least.

It's like my body is moving on its own. There's nothing I want to do, but I'm walking toward the kitchen in my slimy bare feet. I make myself some old tea and a bowl of oatmeal, burning my lips raw with both. My eyes drift toward the kitchen window and I stare out at a brick wall.

Well... I can't sit here forever, right?

I... I did say she could just kill me. But she didn't. And I'm still here. Right? Or am I dead and I just haven't realized it yet?

The door opens and I stumble down the spiraling staircase.

I leave my apartment through the large metal door. It feels extra heavy today and I grunt, pushing against it, entering the outside world. The sky is bright, clouds lofty and white, smothering the blue abyss above, light filtering through. The air is wet and muggy, the street damp. I look around, noticing a throng of guys huddling by a tall wooden fence. They glance toward me and I turn around swiftly, going north, tall patchwork bulidings on my left, cracked sidewalk underneath my feet.

I reach into my pocket and realize that I've left the scroll on the dining room table. Flipped over. I didn't want to study it. My stomach twists naggingly. It's hard to push away.

"Well, whatever." I clutch my side as I pull something, walking funny as the soles of my feet cramp up. My gait is fast so I stumble, but keep going. Why am I moving so quickly? I hardly have any money on me. I don't have a job. I don't have anything to do. What would be the point in continuing to train? It's not like that's... that's all I can do? Mindlessly beating wooden blocks? Like they'll give me anything if I destroy them over and over again.

I clench my fists and stop dead, eyes bulging, breath caught, stolen - it is hot. Burning hot. All I can see is rage. Two grinning girls. Pristine blonde and pink hair. Like two smiling twins. They grin sooo wide. It's maddening. It's absolutely maddening.

"How... how did they ever pass?" I don't understand really. Neither... I never saw them train like me. Sure... sure they studied a little. And they got good grades but... but... they weren't... I could beat them. Even if they were... skilled. They... I mean I was lazy but- I but I care. They don't. They... just care about Sasuke. Not about... anything at all about what they're learning.

My teeth dig into my cheek. I look away as they cross the street in the distance. Dressed the same as always, Yamanaka's hips swaying in her tight skirt, Haruno's dress breathing with the light breeze. Their backsides grow farther from me. And I follow.

I... I could have passed.

I realize it now. I could have said yes. I could have agreed to what it wanted. He would have shown me. It's just as he said. He was power. If I desired it, I could have it.

They have it. They have... the power. But I... refused. Why did I do that? Because... I wanted to do it on my own? Because I didn't need its power?

Maybe I'm afraid that...

I try to push my thoughts away again, but I can't this time. I can't deny it. I'm afraid of... myself. I know that if I did what it wanted... I couldn't control it. Power without control... it's just... selfdestructive. You cannot be strong. You... can only be weak. Just weak enough to control yourself. If you try to go past that...

Those girls... they won't make it. I can feel it in my gut, watching them. I tail - stalking as best I can. I shuffle against the park bushes, crouch behind a wooden bench, plant myself behind trash cans, getting looks from people on the other side of the street as they continue to walk and giggle. Those two don't notice me. Really? Am I... really tailing two graduates? I'm sure... I'd notice if I were being followed. I'm pretty sure. At least, I'd notice me.

I follow them for over a mile, blending with other passerby, or just hiding behind telephone poles and trashcans, keeping a fair distance. At first, I wonder why I'm doing this. Wonder why I'm just following them. I don't need to know where they're going or what they're planning to do.

But... I keep following. Remembering all the things they've said to me. Their gross stares.

They stop in a training area. Unsurprisingly, I recognize Sasuke in the distance. He is leaning against a tree, chin tucked into his neck, shivering as the two girls greet him so enthusisastically I can hear their cries distinctly against a sharply swirling gust, golden flecks of dropped leaves whirling beneath my feet.

The trees are topped with golden leaves, bark a rich brown, grass wet but lush and wild. I slowly make my way toward the park, the sidewalk fading into a dirt passage, and I press myself against a tree, the three fading from view briefly, as I try to quietly maneuver. It's tough. I look down at my feet, careful not to step on anything brittle, not to brush against dry or dying timber.

Their voices emerge from the birdsong in the bare forest.

"Who do you think our instructor will be Sasuke?"

"What do you think we're going to learn?"

He grumbles.

I find a low sloping, spiraling tree and scale to the top swiftly, resting in the trunk with my hands coiling tight around the bark. Breathing softly as I peer through the leafy blinds. My body becomes rigid like the tree. I grow stiff and comfortable, lying there in the cool shade, breeze blowing against my face, tickling me through my thin clothes. I watch silently as the two girls try to flirt with Sasuke. They eventually give up and huddle together, stifling yawns as they complain about a late teacher.

"Oh, Sasuke. Did you hear about Naruto?"

He glances toward Haruno.

"He failed. So what?"

"Oh, so you did know." She grumbles.

"It was to be expected." He says softly, turning his gaze away, shutting his eyes.

I'm surprised he doesn't look right up at me with the way I stare at him several dozen meters away.

Can he not feel the fire churning in my belly? The hairs that rise on my skin? The way my thighs grip and shudder, seizing all at once like a beast ready to pounce. Fly down and tackle that... fucking jerk. Make him regret for saying that about me. With all his family power to help him succeed. What did he know about strength when it was given to him unquestioned. Can he even begin to understand what it means to try?

Of course he can't. There's just no way.

And he can't tell how much I hate him. How much I want to be and not be him all at the same time.

Finally, before I can shout at the top of my lungs and fly at him like terrific tiger- a man lazily strolls onto the field.

"Hello. Sorry I am late." I glance toward the man.

He is of average height, with a slight build. Lean shoulders and narrow hips. He wears dark blue, his hair dyed white. Thin rimmed tall glasses cover his face. He adjusts them, "I'm Kabuto. I believe you are Team 7?"

The three nod, Sasuke rising, the girls quickly stumbling to their feet and bowing respectfully.

"Excellent. I have heard much about you."

He smiles wide, "It's good to see you are all here on time. You seem very enthusiastic and ready to begin. Would you like to introduce yourselves to me first? After that, I have a short test to give you, and then a list of basic supplies I'd like to you to gather for tomorrow's training. Oh, and I suppose I can answer any questions you might have first- provided you introduce yourself." He chortles, standing straight and rigid, placing both his darkly gloved hands behind his back.

Silence. The birds shuffle in my tree. I glance up at them, admiring the feathers, surprised they did not scramble away when I climbed up.

"U-Umm- I'll go first." Yamanaka says, "My name is I-Yamanaka Ino and- I-" she hesitates, glancing toward Sasuke, "I am looking forward to your training, Kabuto-sensei."

Kabuto smiles and nods, "Very good. Any questions?"

"Not really... just... is what I'm wearing okay?" she looks down at herself.

Kabuto aims his eyes, exploring her body quietly, "It seems alright for now." His pale lips curl, "I take it you are concerned your tastes may clash with utility? That is something to be concerned of, though it is hardly something we will worry about. You will not be fielding any missions that would require careful clothing choice... for now."

"Ah, I.. I see, thanks, bu-" She smiles.

"Hold on-" Sasuke grunts, "What do you mean we won't be "fielding any missions"?"

Kabuto laughs, "Perhaps you would like to introduce yourself first?"

"You know who I a-" before Sasuke can even finish his statement, Kabuto stands before him, a scalpel placed against his throat. Sasuke stares upward in shock, fingers spread wide, the two girls looking on in shock.

"Please introduce yourself, Sasuke-kun." He whispers.

I stare, watching the way Kabuto drags the dull edge of the scalpel against Sasuke's flesh. He finally caves.

"I'm Sasuke." He whispers hoarsely.

Very slowly, Kabuto backs away, the scalpel seeming to vanish from his very grasp, hands slowly folding behind his back.

He turns his head toward Sakura, who jumps, "I-I-I'm Haruno Sakura! An-and- I-I- I'm just as excited as Ino." She stammers with wide green eyes, her breasts shifting as she breathes batedly.

"Very good." Kabuto murmurs, "I am Kabuto. Your new sensei. We will learn much together, I think." His curled lips spread wide, eyes pointed at Sasuke, "Introductions are very important Sasuke-san. It is always important to learn another person's name. Even if you already know it, you should ask them to introduce themselves. Who knows? Perhaps it will buy you more time. Or clue you in to whether they are telling the truth about something else."

Sasuke says with a ragged, husky rasp, "I... see."

"No, I don't think you do quite yet. But that is fine. You still have much to train for."

Those pallid lanky arms reach up and push at his thick hair, lips tense as he holds back a snear. "Very well... sensei."

Kabuto smiles, "Oh it is tempting to train you right now Sasuke-san, but I must be elsewhere soon." He sighs, panning his head about. "Tomorrow we will begin with some basic biology. I ask that each of you bring a live... or dead animal with you tomorrow. Nothing from any market, mind you. A squirrel or bird will suffice, but feel free to be... creative." He clears his throat, "Bring any weapons you are proficient in as well, we will be doing basic weapon training afterward." He adds, "If any of your are "squeamish"... do bring something to take care of that as well. If you faint once this week, I will have your promotion revoked." He clears his throat, watching two pairs of wide eyes play trepid tremors, "If there are no questions for me, then I will see you tomorrow."

He turns around and walks away, leaving the range of my eyes. I pan my gaze back at those familiar faces, watching as the silent bastard drags himself to his feet, dusting himself off, peeling chips of wood from his back. He turns and stomps off, the other two girls standing mutely, sharing a glance. "I... I heard that some sensei would be like this... but..." her voice cracks and her shoulders come apart. I can tell she's holding back a tear, "I'm not so sure I can handle this Ino..."

"Toughen up." Ino says quietly, "You have to try. And... we'll do fine. We'll get used to it. We have to. Just think about it... it's worth it."

"I guess so." She watches as Ino leaves.

I lie there in the cool dry shade of the tree, my eyes peering into Sakura's scalp as she idles quietly by herself. My heart slows to a crawl. I close my eyes and listen to the sound of the breeze.

When I open my eyes, Sakura is gone.

I slowly sit up in the tree, my back throbbing and clenching. I hold back a yelp as bones snap and pop. "N-not that comfortable." I choose to laugh slightly, dwelling on Sakura's strange teacher. "Glad I won't have to deal with that guy ever. He's creepy as fuck."

I look up into the tree, smiling at it, and then slide down. I'm not too surprised to feel the cool air against my skin, or the sky as I look up. The clouds have disintigrated. Orange bleeds from the slithering sun as it sinks.

I stand there, doing nothing. Or something other than it. I'm not sure. I can feel my heart pounding. I can still see Sakura, standing there. With a pleasant smile on her face.

When I did stop feeling from that smile? It used to fill me with sighs. Now only size. An unimaginable size. Growing ever larger in my heart, which sinks into the tumlutuous ocean of my stomach. My fingers twitch. I lift my hands up and crack each of my knuckles, feeling nothing. Realizing finally - I don't care. Her words did not hurt. And... Sasuke's. They were just words too. Empty. Words can't harm me anymore. Not when... I shouldn't expect them to... say anything else.

I shake my head, feeling a little dizzy and light. I'm starving. Absolutely starving. Where has the time gone? Did I really... I did. I don't understand why I did that. Why should I care? I'm not a ninja. I'll never be one. Not... not like Kabuto, their sensei. Or Sasuke. I'll certainly never be the kind of person Sakura wants. What everyone wants from me - I can't be it.

I don't care. A smile graces my lips, finally.

I will be... and not be a ninja. I giggle. It sounds silly. Backwards. But it satisfies me. I can keep being upset, while still being resolved. It's perfect really.

I slink forward, tumbling awkwardly through the tall licking blades of grass. My body feels so heavy, but I'm so light, I'm wobbling all over the place like a drunk. I stifle a giggle and flex my muscles, feeling strength clench throughout my body. My stomach growls. I look up and watch the sky as it turns darker, the perfect temperate air turning cooler and cooler.

I walk down the trodden path, not dallying as hunger encourages me to move faster. I haven't gone to Ichiraku's in a while, mostly to avoid the many people I know that frequent there. I'd rather be forgotten. Retreat into the abyss. Forget about the memories there that gurgle to the surface, phantom shame gnawing at me as I remember - as I realize what a fool I am.

So I slide, slip and slouch toward a run down ramen stand in the backalley of a worn-down market. The sky is black, but burning paper laterns light the way, luminous scarlet standing out against the night. My nostrils flare as I smell grease and salt, sliding into a wobbly stool, steamy air filling my nostrils as a patient man takes my order, my shaky fingers peeling money from my pocket and passing it to him.

I turn and glance as a stranger sits beside me. She is young, thin and tan, with brown hair done in buns. A lean face and a slender, rounded nose, with gossy pink lips. She is dressed very casually, a grey tank top over her torso. It clings to her vibrant, bronzed flesh, pink bra straps exposed as the flimsy straps of her top shift with the subtle movements of her body. Below are a pair of tight worn jeans, freying holes in the knees. Her small feet peek out below, in rough leather sandals, toenails unblemished and unpainted.

She meets my lingering gaze. Her eyes are brown and wide.

I offer a mumbling apology, unsure of what to say as a man drops a bowl hurriedly in front of me.

She offers a slight smile, "No worries." She passes the tall messy man some money and orders Miso Ramen. "Long time no see?" she adds with a teasing smile.

My heart clenches in panic. Do I know this person? "No uhh... sorry, I don't think we've ever met before...?"

"Pretty sure we haven't. I was just teasing." She giggles.

I feel my lips perking into a slight smile, unable to hold back a slight laugh, "...long time no see to you as well."

She winks, turning sideways as I sit quietly and attend to my ramen. It... doesn't come quickly to me. I slurp and sip languidly, feeling hot splashes against my cheeks. My mind is empty once more and I am calm. I cannot even recall what I was doing moments earlier.

"I'm Tenten." She says simply, crossing one leg over the other, glancing toward the man as he fishes her a large bowl of soup, planting it more delicately in front of her with a smile.

"Thank you." She tells him, still glancing at me after briefly inspecting her soup.

I realize she is expecting a reply, after I make a second swallow.

"Sorry. Call me Naruto." I meet her in the eyes, unabashed. I used to look away at others and never meet their gazes. But then I realized I was being silly. Now, I stare unblinkingly at everyone. Sometimes, it unnerves them, making me grin.

I do the same with her, but she just seems to smile wider.

"Naruto huh?" she raises a brow, eyes flickering down briefly, where she notices a kunai holster strapped to my orange track pants, "You're a ninja?"

I say without hesitation, "Yes."

Not because she is pretty - I say it because I am not lying. I am... I am a ninja. In my heart. There is nothing else I can be. Nothing else I can ever hope of doing. Maybe... I will never be one of Konoha's ninja, but I will be one. In my own way. Somehow. I lean back, something erupting. Hope? I hope not. Hope always makes me afraid. I'd rather not feel anything anymore.

"It is so hard... relying only on yourself." I don't know where the words come, but it's like a weight has left me, the words transcending with it. My cheeks sting and I shrink away, unable to escape the strange girl's inevitible judgment. I cast my eyes downward, but am met only with silence for a moment. I look up.

She is smiling awkwardly, seeming lost for words for a moment, before nodding, "R-right, well- not really. No one's really alone." She clarifies, turning and sipping some of her soup after blowing on it, free hand reaching for her napkin and cleaning her lips.

I bring scalding hot liquid to mine, thinking she won't say more, but she stops eating after a hot huff, steam escaping through her nostrils and whirling into the dark cold air, "Maybe I don't really believe that myself." She giggles, "I mean, my mother..." her laughter is forced, "...works very hard. And sometimes I wonder if I'm worth it. I'm a good for nothing, you know?" she turns toward me again, "It's... a good thing you're a ninja. I... I wanted to be one when I was growing up. I was even in the academy for a year, before they kicked me out." She slumps, "And now I'm sixteen and- well, you know? I'm just helping Mom with the shop, but... is that all I'll ever be? Mom... doesn't go out. And it seems like she doesn't talk to anyone anymore. I wonder sometimes if I'll become like that."

She glances briefly at me, then attends to her meal, throat bobbing as she brings the bowl to her lips and swallows mouthfulls of broth, stopping to choke for a moment, coughing briefly and setting the dingy porcelain down.

I... am spellbound. Surprised by her honest response. Did she mean to say all that? I wipe sweat from my face, feeling my eyes sting... from the salt.

"Your mother sounds strong." I wonder why I say that. I feel... like I want to comfort her. I watch those muscles tense along her face, recalling my training. Reading emotions was something we were taught in class, but in that moment, I cannot recall how to tell misery from euphoria, her brown eyes scrunched, body slumped forward, arms around over her chest. Her breathing slow, breasts shifting as she sucks in sharply, breathing out slow.

Seeing her makes the pain return. I try to swallow more soup, to fill my mouth with molten heat. But it is only lukewarm now on my numb lips. I can't drown it out. I feel a distinct pang in my fingers. I curl my toes and shake my head. Am I the only one to feel things this way? The extremes of apathy? And now, so suddenly, a stranger makes me pause to choke down a breath.

"She is." Tenten replies, offering a shy twirl of her lips, "...or she was. I don't know. Maybe both."

"Why did you want to be a shinobi?" I ask her, breath cracking as my throat throbs against the scalding it has taken.

"Huh? Oh, well... I guess it was just a chlidish fantasy." She smirks, "They dropped me when the academy academic revision laws were passed. You know. I didn't have a bloodline or any noteworthy skills, and my mother just couldn't afford to send me without some kind of compensation." She sighs, "-but... I guess I'll find a way doing something."

Maybe it's the strength of her voice that moves me. She is only a year older than me, and although there is uncertainty in her wavering, melodious voice - I can feel a mountain behind her words. It's funny. I know we haven't met, but she seems familiar. Perhaps I am just jealous, wishing my voice could sound like hers.

Immediately, Haku stands before me. Her wispy, moon-like features against the dark sky. I can feel her gentle flesh. And her words, offering me training. Sourness recedes like a slow tide into my blood. I grasp a handful of my side and clench it painfully, trying to push the pain away with more. Gripping tigher. Tighter. Until I take another deep breath and open my eyes, turning and facing her, noticing an oddly concerned look on her features.

"...I can teach you." I tell her, no amount of firmness in my voice. Do I really want to do this? What could I even offer her? My taijutsu is... awful. My ninjutsu is... awful. And I know nothing else... I don't know history. Or philosophy. Or math. There is absolutely nothing I can teach her.

She blinks, "O-oh well, I didn't mean to... I mean- as I said, it was... a chlidish notion. A-and besides, I'm far too old for that." She waves her hand at me, "Besides, isn't that illegal? I'm a civillian."

"It might be illegal." I murmur, "...but you don't look like an old woman to me." I smile, though, the smile has no meaning for me. I'm not feeling anything. Just a void again. Why did I offer? Why should I insist? She clearly does not want my help, even if I could offer it to her.

She laughs, cheeks flushing slightly, "What do I look like to you?" she laughs nervously.

"You look strong." I say dumbly, my voice rasp. I swallow and finish my soup, pushing it away from me, that sour feeling creeping back. What do I know about strength? I am weak. How could I begin to grasp the difference between weak from strong? "Though... you could probably not become an official shinobi for Konoha, if I taught you... anything." For many reasons of course, "It would... probably not be very useful."

There is a momentous pause. Tenten's face droops and she looks away. My nervous knees begin to push up and I begin to feel that I should go, before the awkward moment hangs further and creates more pangs in my joints.

"Well... that's not entirely true." She says finally, "If nothing else... you could teach me what you're legally allowed to... for self defense." She murmurs, "See, I... I do have a slight problem- my mother too- see, there is this... obnoxious group of- assholes really. They like to harass the shop, and sometimes they well... try to get me to go with them when I'm walking back from running errands." She smirks, "It would be nice... I mean I'd love to feel like I could take them, if they were to try something brutish."

I listen to her story, pain ebbing. I become slightly more comfortable and nod as she speaks.

When she finishes, my lips move on their own once more, and I cringe, wondering how I am able to live like this. How I can speak so honestly with her. Why I cannot be quiet. Like a stiff scarecrow, entertaining her with a smile. As I have others. Pretending like I care. Wondering why I should care. I shouldn't. I don't. Her problems aren't mine. I don't need more problems. I can scarcely help myself. It's so hard helping yourself. To help another? It's just another burden.

"Why should I help you?" Those words are so horrible that I cannot understand why they were so easy to say to Haku. And when she flinches slightly away, looking confused and unbalanced I straighten my spine and clench my side, "S-sorry, what I mean is- how can I help you? I- I can definitely- I could teach you some basic things to help protect yourself. Things... that would be effective against normal thugs." I swallow, sweat gathering on my skin as I try to wheel out a plan. What can I learn to teach her, before it's time to teach her? Can I fake this? Do I even want to? I... want to try and help her, at least so the sour acid will drain from my throbbing eyes. At least until she loses interest in me. And realizes what I am.

"O-oh well, that would be nice." She says calmly, recovering with a smile, "I... I wouldn't mind trying out a lesson with you, if... if it's really no trouble."

"It's not."

She straightens and pushes her empty bowl from her, standing with jolt of energy, stretching her long jean-clad legs and grinning from ear to ear, "So... tomorrow?"

"I... I can do tomorrow." I say slouched from the chair.

"Then... how about-"

"I am free... for all of tomorrow." I declare.

"Two. Two in the afternoon?"

I nod, feeling my chest tighten, cheeks stinging, "That sounds fine. Though ah- where shall we meet?" My mouth is hot and numb, my tongue coiling around itself as I watch her dig her teeth into her lower lip and hum to herself.

"Well... how much space will we need?"

"I think... a small room will suffice. Though anything larger will do. It might be a good idea to do this in private though, as I'm... not sure what I shouldn't be teaching you." I laugh a little.

She nods, "Tomorrow then, where I live. It's um- the second floor of a shop. My Mom's to be exact. I can give you the address." She turns and snatches the dirty napkin from beside her bowl, before the soup-man can extract it from the counter with a grimace. She also grabs a pen from the counter, scrawling her adress messily on the soft tissue.

She presses the dirtied thing into my hands and smiles, "It was nice meeting you Naruto. I'm looking forward to seeing if... well you can teach me anything tomorrow." She giggles, "I guess... if that's... umm everything-"

"I think I have enough Tenten. It... was nice meeting you as well." I feel something other than nothing when I say those words, but I'm not sure what it means. My body clenches like it's a clamshell. All the power I felt in the fields just breaths ago, has vanished.

She waves and strides off, disappearing into the slow-churning crowds among the flickering red lanterns. I stand and leave the booth, my hands trembling. I too disappear into the night, wandering for many hours, before returning home. My thoughts empty. My mind numb. My body aching. I lie back onto my bed with wide eyes.

And see a visage on the wall. Two unholy eyes and a creeping, fanged grin.


	2. The Lull

strong wind does not last long  
sudden rain does not last all day  
solid ice warms up  
scorching desert freezes at night  
nature speaks sparsely

what makes this so?  
heaven and earth

even heaven and earth cannot make it last  
How can humans?

-Unkown

* * *

It's three when I'm up again. I stand in the abyss and fumble around for a light, my fingers coiling around the small slender limb of a tarnished lamp, the cool flaky metal centering me. The world is spinning and my head is throbbing. I've calmed down, but a cold sweat still lingers on my thighs.

I saw blood.

Enough to make me feel myself all over in a panic. But I'm fine. I'm still alive. Whatever that means. I certainly did feel alive just moments ago. Though I suppose I was especially alive three days ago, when I failed my exam. So there's a pretty good chance my death won't feel like this.

My heart is thick. I know I'm anxious. It's probably why I had that nightmare. Tomorrow I'm going to see that girl I think. I can't run away from it. I don't run away. Even if they were to come and parade me away, kneel me before a long-faced man with a slender katana and press my head into a slab of wood. I would stare them down and bow my head. I know I'm not invincible and I'm not afraid of them.

My thumb reaches, fumbling, around the lamp and turns on the light, casting shadows along the tops of my room. I glance up and immediately notice a familiar smile there. Flickering. Against the heat of my flesh and the cool draft flowing through my ancient window.

"Hi." I murmur to the shadow, "Is there something you need right now?" I don't feel like talking. I'd just like to enjoy the silence and think, but I've been noticing him out of the corner of my eye for days now, peeking out whenever he gets a chance to. He's obviously anxious too... or giddy? About something.

The fox head shadow keeps a sharp grin, black corners of its mouth warping and twisting as it turns, its seprent-like body - bleeding into full form as it flows down from the ceiling. Its five-pointed head, like a star, shrinking until the small profile of a young whiskered fox plays upon my wall. It stands perfectly still, lips unmoving. I concentrate and stare at it, until his voice reaches me in a scratchy echo.

"Blood."

I whisper to the wall, my lips and throat arid and hot like a desert but sticky like a swamp, head heavy from fatigue, "Yes, it was blood. But I'm fine. It was just a dream. Don't worry about it."

"Ominious."

"Weird stuff's happened. A dream's just a reflection of that. My mind playing tricks. So... well, that girl was a bit worrying and I'm not so sure I trust her, but nothing bad happened. I left that scroll here today but my apartment isn't a smoking crater. So it doesn't seem like it's the end of the world."

Stillness.

"Don't tell me you're superstitious? Dreams don't mean anything. You know that."

"I have seen things... and lived to speak of them." Its voice strengthens in my mind, the fox turning to face me, his stance firm and proud, like a royal king, hind legs lowered, front paws standing like the great pillars of a timeless monument, I wonder if he thinks he's an ornate hound, "There are few figments that survive the sands of time. I am one of them."

"I don't really need this." I joke, sitting down on the side of my bed, feeling so heavy, but knowing it would be pointless to try and fall asleep. I don't want to see the blood again. I stand up and pick up my lamp, casting it at him and dispersing his form around the room, blowing up that face like a funhouse mirror. "Is there a point to this?"

"You are weak." It whispers, "I can make you strong."

"I told you before. Not only once, but a hundred times. I'm not interested. I never will be." I swing the lamp around with a grin, watching his shadow shrink and expand. He leers. So I put down the lamp, "You can't do anything I can't."

When I walk past the small, normalized shadow, it merges with me, vanishing from the wall.

"When the time does come, know that I only do what is best for both of us. You... will and already do not have a choice... so you should choose now." his raspy voice fades with a soft growl.

It doesn't sound like a choice to me, but whatever. I won't play his games, even if he might be slightly right. I've never needed him in the past, I won't need him in the future. I have other things to worry about... too many things. So I take a shower to rinse the sweat off my body. He can't control me no matter how weak I might become.

"I'll decide later I think." I murmur teasingly, but there's no reply. My voice just bounces flatly off the slippery grime and porcelain.

I linger there. Time does too. No matter how hard I scrub, my thoughts won't drift away. Time won't go faster. The world is creeping by and I can't untie my stomach. I feel sick. It must be cramps. I don't even want to eat. I just want to lie back down and go to sleep, but I can't. It's like I'm sea sick or something. But I don't want to believe I might be adrift.

I wobble out of the bathroom and then convince myself to fix some rice and gruel. It tastes thick and awful and does little to push away the worries, which I have only made worse now. I'm not a ninja, but I'm going to be teaching a... kind girl the art of death. An art I don't even know well enough myself... I'll probably look like a fool in front of her. Teach her improperly too, if we even get that far. Maybe I can do a small favor for her at least. I have no idea of her capabilities, but... even though my form is so horrible, maybe I can teach her the basics correctly? Enough that she'll want to give up. Enough that maybe she won't hate me. Maybe she'll find them useful. Maybe I can do that much for her.

Or maybe I'm as inept as I feel. It's like I'm a turtle without a shell or something. I'm missing something. I'm not complete.

I try not to imagine what her house must look like, my eyes sweeping around my apartment. It's a good she offered me to come to her place. I can't stop myself from cringing at the dishes piled up in the sink, or the stained, cracked refrigerator, an unpleasant sound emanating from it. I know I saw a roach crawling along the backside last night. I clean this place maybe once a year, not that I could ever purge the vermin that crawl up from the sties beneath me. I don't tend to do more than sleep or eat in here, as noted by the nude walls, only a single rickety chair in the corner by a mangled end table, folders stacked high; work from the academy - years old - left abandoned. Most of it not even half-finished, but all of it partly started. There is not a blank page there.

I no longer sit restlessly in the kitchen, but stand over that pile. I briefly comb through it, deciding that I should just throw it all out. Most of the papers are on ancient and recent history and I can only be concerned of the present right now. I crush them, dry paper sucking on my damp hands as they clench like fanged jaws and then stuff the papers in an already full garbage bag, sighing as I'll need to carry it out later. It's starting to smell

Empty handed, I turn toward the tall white wooden door. I look down at the speckled pale wood beneath my cold naked feet. I take a deep breath and calculate the effectiveness of my stance. Most of my weight is on one leg. I'm really unabalanced.

My form is not that good. I'd look a bit silly... trying to teach her something like the academy teaches. I never studied the forms. I believed those forms were wrong, though they did have some good principles behind them. I thought that my way would work. That I could be amazing, just by being who I am. But I am nothing and I know almost as much. It makes me grasp the air tight in my hands. I thrust a limp fist into the air, wondering if I should have just done it their way all along.

I don't think I can teach her ninjutsu - it's probably too late. If you don't learn how to control your chakra from an early age... it becomes very dangerous to learn later in life. I would probably kill her trying.

I return to my seat to finish my 'breakfast', the dull food settling in my tight belly. I then stand swiftly in the dank and dim kitchen and go through my old school supplies shoved in the corner of my adjacent bedroom, my idle hands pulling deeply through my damp messy hair when I pour over the mess I've made on the floor, hearing crickets chirp against the sound of my foot organizing sharp plastic bottles and tools by sliding them across the floor. I find some parchment and an unopened ink  
container. Reaching to the floor and picking them up, I sit on my bed and begin to very carefully write down and draw a few instructions for Tenten, recalling a few of the exercises that I did find useful growing up:

Do This After You Wake Up:

Stand before a tall mirror and stand perfectly straight with your hands at your sides.  
Look down at your feet.  
Close your eyes and take a deep breath, then open then.  
Lift one foot up off the ground. Keep perfect balance.  
This means, all of your weight should be shifted into one leg. Hold this for a few seconds.  
Then plant it down on the ground. Evenly distribute the weight of your body back on both legs.  
Your balance is in the center of your body. Make sure it is there.  
Then lift up the other leg.  
Do this slowly at first. Every day, lift each of your legs slightly higher up. Make sure you are always aware of your center  
of balance.  
When you can do this quickly and lift your leg until your knee touches your chest, you will no longer need this exercise.

Do This Before You Go To Sleep:

Sit on the ground.  
Cross one leg over the other, one stretched out straight.  
Twist your body and look behind you on both sides. Do it slow.  
Continue this exercise reguarly, it will improve the flexibility of your hips.

My handwriting is messy especially as I must carefully write in my supple crooked lap. Even when I put so much care into each stroke of the brush, each word becomes an ugly smudge to me. I hope she can read it. But if she can't... I'll just have to show her. Though, I've only written these instructions so that she won't forget - but maybe she has a good memory.

What if she loses enthusiasm though? The thought briefly crosses my mind again, but I dispel it. If she wants to learn, I'll try my best. If she doesn't want to... then that's fine. It's... not easy being a ninja, or... even just fighting for yourself. I know that much. I can't expect everyone else to be as... strange as me, or as strange as the ninja I've met in the past. Iruka-sensei has always said strange things, looked somberly, and I was never dumb or numbed enough not to miss that scar. I wonder where he got it, what it means to him. Perhaps it's why he's a teacher.

I miss him. Though, I've not seen him since last year. I heard he had quit, but maybe he is teaching at another academy somewhere. I can't imagine him doing anything else.

I let the ink dry and then roll up the paper into a crude scroll, pacing in my apartment for an hour, mapping in my mind what to teach her. Iruka sticks out, fuzzy though my image is becoming of him, because his lessons were the ones that penetrated me most.

I practice what he taught. Standing straight like a rod of iron before my bed, looking down at my feet. They are placed evenly apart, my weight spread more evenly throughout them. I spread them further apart and take a deep breath, watching my chest rise. I'm naked, save for the striped boxers covering me. I feel silly, but that doesn't stop me from taking half a step forward and striking clean straight with a loose fist, wondering about the mechanics behind the punch.

Iruka smiles and says, "A punch is one percent arm, ninety-nine percent body Naruto. When you punch, move with it. Your feet are not glued to the ground. Twist your body into it. Don't tense up. And make sure to strike square, or you'll break your fingers. And even if you do strike squarely, in combat it is likely you wlil break them. This is why you should strike soft targets with your fist, not the face, as it is very bony." The sandy skinned man looks very serious as he speaks to me on his knees, pointing toward the soft cushion in front of me.

"Move like water, Naruto. Rivers do not strike once, they bend and flow. Imagine you are water in a bucket. The bucket is thrown out like this-" he throws his hands out, "-it strikes once and moves around. Flank your opponent. Do not meet him head on. Do you understand?"

I punch languidly, half-heartedly striking the air, my younger self striking with much greater intensity than I can right now. My thoughts remain in that sleepy room, scanning Sakura, Sasuke... I think even the Old Man was visiting there at the time. I was so small back then, I think I scarcely reached his waist. Time seems to stick as I think. It sticks like a broken clock. The second hand... it sticks until it goes away. Eventually, I stop punching and just stand there, feeling tiny tricklets of water slide down my skin.

Iruka believed I would become a ninja, didn't he? Why am I only realizing this now. He was a lot like the Sandaime, though, stricter with me.

Eventually, I start to sweat again, the water evaporated. Why am I so hot, when it's so cold out tonight? I sigh and decide to put on something, hoping to soak up the sweat. I rummage about and find some orange shorts and a black tank top inside the large pile of clothes that grows along the dark side of my room like a forbidden shrine.

I want to think about what I will do after I teach this girl. Where I will go. How I will make it. Very soon, the money will be gone. Will I forage in the wilderness for food? We learned about doing that in the academy, but I don't think I'd be very good at that. Could I become a merchant? Trade from town to town? Seeking out people to teach me? I think that might just get me killed and robbed - even the most lowly merchants often need protection from bandits out there... the world outside Fire Country is supposed to be a savage place. Could I even convince people to buy the things I make? Or to buy the things I've traded for? It doesn't seem like a life I could manage.

I look at my hands, and then the darkness of the bathroom. Then my alarm clock. It's still too early. For the next hour, I stare ahead at me, a shadowy Sasuke materializing before me. Relief floods my body as I push away the winding, distracting thoughts that are growing like a monster. The murky future bleeds away as I strike him once and he blocks. A smirk spreads on those pasty cheeks so I ram my knee into him, stumbling forward as it's just a shadow of my mind, not really there, my foot almost painfully colliding with the base of my bed. He strikes me back this time, landing a solid blow on the side of my face. I hear a crunch, my teeth pulsating as they shift. My hand comes down and chops at his neck as my floor bows and creaks to the slight but sudden movements of my feet.

We fight like this for a little while, my bare feet sweating harshly, making the wooden floor slick as I slide across it, but eventually his form wavers before it can matter and I just start punching uncontrollably. Striking fiercely until I begin to sweat hard, my heart pounding. My strikes are dragons travelling on clouds of thunder, rushing through the air, wild abandon making my stance sloppy as I pound the living hell into nothing. It's terrible to practice against shadows. The satisfying shock of sending force into wood or foam or flesh or bone isn't there. I keep fighting, my breath becoming ragged. When I glance at the alarm clock, after deliviring a swirling kick to a shimmering, phantom cluster of ribs, I stop. It's six thirty. And if I glance out my small window facing the adjacent building, I can see a little light emerging against the towering red, chipped brick wall.

I'm winded, gasping for breath, my hand over my breast, feeling my heart slam into it. I realize that my thoughts are gone once more. Swept away by fighting. For the last hour, I was in peace. My mind emptied like a void. Fighting quieted my mind. And now, how suddenly, the moment I stop, it's like I'm here again. Like I was somewhere else. It's almost like I'm not alive whlie I fight. I can only see ahead of me. Into the darkness, even as it fades to the rush of morning.

I stumble into the bathroom and wipe my body down with a ragged towel. The clothes I have on are nearly soaked in sweat. But I don't change again.

Despite fighting with thin air for over an hour, I don't feel strong in the least. My attacks were sluggish, slow, slippery, I lost my balance too many times. I can't improve like this, I realize. I know I'm angry. I know that anger won't help. But this is my only recourse, anger is the only thing that can help me stave away the oblivion for a little longer. There is no longer anyone to lean on, not even those prideful, snideful turkeys at the academy. I wish I hadn't taken things for granted back then. If I could speak to Iruka or Sandaime, to learn any of the awesome things they knew then... I would. I would drive them crazy. If I could even learn from someone as foul as Mizuki-sensei, I would.

But I can't. So why do I think something like that? It doesn't make anything better.

I need to stop thinking. Time won't go any faster. I can't sleep. I'm running circles in my mind. And my thoughts are turning my body to stone. I can't give up. It can't end like this. I will be a ninja, even if I can't be one anymore.

* * *

I leave my apartment when the sun rises until it's creeping just over the top of the horizon. I was losing my mind cramped in my apartment again. Even if it's so early, I had to leave. I have to go see her now. Waiting until two would be like waiting until the end of the world.

I habitually look over my shoulder. The older boys that usually hang around on my street are elsewhere, their menacing grins a pleasant vacancy. Instead, I pass by small pleasant gardens, sidewalk disappearing underneath my sandals. The air is cool and uncomfortable against my moist skin but frostbite wouldn't shake me at this point. I look up at the cloudy morning sky and breathe deep the air, feeling release.

It is a long distance to Tenten's house. My eyes wander, boldly exploring despite the occasional, curious glare my way. What will I do when I get there? Come up with an excuse first I imagine. But what will I teach her first I wonder? What should a teacher teach first? I don't think I was taught very well. But I didn't give things a proper chance in the beginning. So perhaps it is my fault.

I stop at a market, the red brick street going far into the distance. Wooden stalls are erected in jumbled clusters. Merchants are just setting up. I reach into my pocket and enter, breathing cool as I stop and purchase a single apple. I'm exhausted, so the sugary relief is much welcome on my sour lips. I close my eyes and sigh, until the old woman shoos me from her white stall.

I consume the apple hurriedly, tossing the core into a trash bin, and stop in the distance of a weapon stall. Kunai, shuriken, small curved blades, fanged skinning and hunting tools, jagged arrow heads, and sleek gardening tools hang from a pale blue tent, a black display case holding an assortment of spear and axe heads. For a short whlie, I daydream, before the lull of the mundane market dies, people staggering in, hurriedly loading good into sacks and purchasing them. Bustling and laughter  
emptying out the serene silence.

I continue forward, stopping at the sight of an old woman hunched forward, her foot kicking a solid wheel, a lump of pale white earth spinning in her hands. Hypnotized, I watch her for a time, wispy white hair drooping over her concentrated face, until the cool air begins to nudge my stillness, sending a chill through me.

In the short while she has formed a small tea cup, similar to the many on the table beside her. Though, those are hard and brittle, shining lustrously against the risen sun. Most are plain, though a few are decorated with a simple flower.

When the woman finishes the cup moments later, she sits straight, and with old, slick brittle hands she takes the cup and puts it beside her, smiling at me, "Would you like one?"

"Oh, no thank you. Sorry, I don't really have the money."

She beckons me with a pinky finger. She wears a splotched apron over a dim pink yukata. "Take one then."

"I couldn't."

"Then give me something in return. Perhaps an ear."

I linger, unsure. Wasn't I going to see Tenten? Why was I lingering in the market? Am I afraid to see her? My stomach is in knots. I shouldn't have eaten.

Those wrinkled lips continue on, "Indulge me, child. I have few who will listen to one as old as I." She laughs, it's almost like a frog's croak. She stifles a cough.

I stand there, my blonde hair shifting in the breeze, my bangs blowing down into my eyes. I push them away.

"If you shape clay into a vessel, you get one of these." She mumbles, "But if you forget to compress the clay, to leave a hole, it will hardly be a vessel. Just a smooth lump of clay then."

"Yeah?"

She giggles, "You have nothing to give me. My cups have already given up something, to be. So allow me to do the same."

I scratch my head and fumble forwards, carefully picking up one of the cups. It is smooth and light. Almost like it is made of air. I can tell this woman is very skilled. It feels like there is nothing in my hand. I set it down and test another, and another, before picking up one with a perculiar insignia. It looks like a small ember.

"I will... take this one then."

"That seems like a very suitable choice." She closes her eyes and sighs.

"Thank you, Ob - err Miss. I will be careful with it. It is... very lovely."

"Few your age can appreciate art." She chuckles, "Or... craft, as some stiffer types might call it."

"It hardly seems fair for me to take this." I mumble, but a part of me has no problem with it. She has given it to me. I don't owe her anything. Yet, my eyes return to her hands. They are so small. It is not a wonder she can make such delicately smooth tea cups.

"Perhaps. If it will ease your mind," she grins, "-you may call me Haku."

"Umm... what?"

She giggles again, "Nevermind by it."

"N-no, wait, you just said your name is Haku-"

"I did."

I look down at the cup so smoothly formed, in my hands.

"I thought you left."

Another breeze blows past. She smiles serenely, as if to contemplate my words. She bows her head, then she tilts her head to the side, eyes bright, "I did. And I did not."

"Huh?"

She giggles once more, those dark eyes shoning through on the woman's face. I stare harshly into them, a little irritated by her calm smile.

"It sounded to me like our... business was concluded."

"It is. I am still here for another reason."

"Oh."

"Yes."

The wind sweeps, picking up and pushing curled, dried up autumn leaves under my feet. I kick them away, my gaze averted.

"I apologize." I say after a while, "For the way I acted."

"Do you regret your decision then?"

I look up.

My fingers explore the cup, noting how smooth and hard it is. I breathe deep, unable to hold eye contact with that infinite abyss. Her stare is too powerful. I cannot feel any anger toward her. Shame returns, nibbling at my nerves.

"I will never regret the choices I make."

"So you are stubborn then." She grins, though it seems fake to me. But perhaps I cannot read her wrinkles well.

"That's what everyone says I am. So I must be."

"Be careful not to let others define you, Naruto." She says with a shrug, "I believe only you can do that."

I sigh, "Sorry." It feels like I mean it when I say it sharply to her, "Unless there's some other cryptic warning you want to hand to me, I think I'll be going."

"Are you sure you would not like to stay and chat?" she leans forward on the wheel after gathering some clay with her slimy hands, working it carefully as the wheel turns.

"I have someone else I need to meet."

"Very well." She murmurs, thumbs pressing into the white clay, "But I did prepare something just in-case. If you find yourself in a dire situation... I have created a small cache that may prove useful to you. It is buried where the humblest one moves, beneath what cannot be held in your hands. It is not far from here, close to where we first met. It is marked by the same symbol you carry." She smiles cheekily. I deposit the tea cup carefully into my pocket, careful to move now slowly so as not to break it.

I glare at her. I don't want to play her games. My thumping heart clenches and pushes her away. I turn on my heel with surprising grace and speed. I close the world off and march. There is something irritating about her. I know why I refused her earlier now. I don't need her help. Just as she doesn't mine. I can do everything on my own.

I stand at the end of the market and look out toward the great Hokage monument. My eyes trailing about the Nidaime's stern visage, softly reflecting on Sandaime as the sun's rays graze his chin. The fourth and fifth blanketed and shadow. I swallow, turning away when my eyes meet those wide stone Sharingan.

* * *

The red brick street gives way to concrete. I shuffle up to a storefront and read the address, it matches.

The building is very old, made of strong, pink stone blocks. A blurry glass window shields a small display of ironworks. A short sword stands nobly in a wooden stand, two matching daggers beneath it. A small gong completes the display. I look up and read a small hand-written sign, "Kin Sword Smithery". Each stroke is immaculate, especially of the first symbol, 金.

I enter the shop, pulling on a heavy wooden door uncertainly. The room I enter is dark, smelling thick of dust and heat. It suffocates. I cough and sniffle, but push on inside.

A few lights hang overhead, dimly lighting a narrow wooden counter and a few glass display cases. I look over my shoulder and through the display window, before a the sudden sound of metal strikes me.

I turn and find a tall, slender woman with beastly, tightly-coiled arms. In her hand is a slender hammer, which she strikes a glowing blade with. Her sandy flesh shines against the sunny pot of molten ash behind her, an obsidian iron pot hanging overhead. I stand, transfixed, watching as the short-haired woman, her flared nose and wide eyes focused. She is deeply entrenched, moving with grace as a beautiful twang fills the boiling air, resonating in my bones as she strikes the vibrating metal. She stops after ten minutes, her breath ragged, feminine swell of her bust shifting deeply with each bated gasp.

She pushes her brown bangs from her slick forehead and shuffles up to the counter, her eyes now on me. She is dressed in grey soot-covered overalls, a dark blue apron over that. She leans forward and offers a weak smile, "Sorry. I didn't hear you come in. I wasn't expecting anybody this early. But you're welcome here. What can I do for you?"

"Oh... umm, well, I'm not here to buy anything-"

That friendy cherry smile slouches.

"-Tenten said, well- she invited me- to see her today. I'll be... helping her with something."

It droops even further. Setting into a deep scowl.

"She did, did she now?"

"Yes."

"I didn't hear a damn thing about it." She huffs.

"Well- she told me to come over... around two. But... umm... I guess I'm a bit early." I scratch the back of my head and giggle like an idiot, shrinking away as she stalks me down with her leer.

She glances toward a wall mounted clock on the birch-painted wall. It's seven in the morning.

"Well, she's still sleeping." She grins, suddenly standing straight and returning to the hot blade on the anvil, "I could forge enough weapons a platoon of soldiers and she'd still be in wonderland. Why don't you go upstairs and wake her?"

"Oh... ah sure." I take a few steps back and gain my bearings, turning toward the entrance to the shop, recalling a narrow staircase there. I mount the stairs, which shriek as I walk, the old wood bending in protest. I cringe as I unsteadily climb to the second floor, dim orange walls there, with a well-trodden brown carpet. The air is very thick and hot, much hotter than the first floor, but the foul stench of... chemicals, coal and liquid metal is mostly gone. Or maybe my inhuman nose is already adapted to it.

I know it's her room when I turn in the tiny hallway. The plain brown door is ajar. I push it open and poke inside.

There's a tall bookcase that holds everything but books. Blacksmith tools, a couple of crudely-forged kunai, what seems like a jewlery box. Dusty stuffed animals. A wooden piccolo. A sewing kit. Spiked running shoes. Ink, paper and pens. A ceramic tiger.

The walls are mostly bare, save for a small poster of a music group I don't recognize. There are a few books on a desk shoved in the corner, a tall white dressed up against the wall beside a tiny window, the shadow pulled far down. It's very dark, and my eyes are drawn to a small lump on the floor. She's on her side, back to me. Two brown blankets cover her body, flat naked feet poking out of the covers. She breathes softly. I stand there and watch as the blankets shift. Her dark brown hair is a mess, left undone, it's spilled out everywhere, clinging to her back and neck.

I hesitate, at first whispering her name, but she doesn't register my presence.

I shake my head, a smile coming to my face as I have an idea.

I find the lightswitch and take a deep breath, flipping it on.

"Alright Tenten! Up! Up! It's- It's time for your early ninja training. C'mon. Get up!" I clap my hands and approach her calmly, expecting her to bolt up and shriek.

Except she doesn't.

I clap my hands a few times, but nothing happens.

The light overhead is bright, illuminating the orange room in a strong, annoying glow.

Is she really this deep of a sleeper?

Really?

Really.

I tap my foot.

And stare.

And stare.

She rolls over.

And I stare harder, eyes on hers. Inspecting every tiny curl of her lashes. The pouty expression created by her rolled up, upper lip. She curls up into her self, trying to gather more warmth from her body. Is she really cold? It's stuffy in her room and like a furnace outside.

She rolls onto her stomach to escape the bright light of her room.

I guess I can't blame her.

I turn around, turn off the light, and shut the door.

I return to the first floor, taking a rickety seat off to the side, hands nervously in my lap.

Tenten's mother gives me a look.

"She won't wake up." I say with a shrug.

She huffs, "Won't wake up for anybody or anything. Always been like that. Don't worry, she'll be up... in an hour. Maybe. But not before then."

I sigh, "I... I'm sorry for intruding."

"No, it's fine." She says stiffly, the strong hammer resting off to the side. She's sipping a glass of water, rubbing a towel over her brow, "We don't have guests often..." her voice hangs and it takes me a whlie to realize that her pointed stare is directed at me for a reason.

"O-oh, right, I'm Naruto."

"Naruto." She says, "Call me Tsuchi."

"Um, sure, Mi- er, Tsuchi-s-san." I choke, part out of embarrassment, part out of the stifling flame in the air, my deep breaths now full of fire. It's like I'm staring down the visage of a dragoness, in her infernal den.

She laughs softly, offering a slim smile, "May I ask what Tenten needs of you exactly?"

I lean back, groaning as I smack the back of my head against the wall, "I-I'm erm, a ninja, and-"

She rolls her eyes.

"-Tenten mentioned... well, that ocassionally... people will give her a look she doesn't like. I offered to... teach her some... self defense basics."

"Ahh..." she hums, "Well, if that's what she wants, she should have asked me." She shakes her head, "Well, I won't bother you two. You can do as you please. Provided Tenten does her chores sometime today!"

"She will. I promise."

"Oh, you will, will you? I don't think you know Tenten too well. She doens't listen to anybody."

"She... doesn't seem like that to me."

"She's a stubborn girl."

"She can't be more stubborn than me." I laugh.

The woman pushes her hands roughly through her light, sweaty brown hair, fluffing it and pushing it back, "I doubt it. But I suppose it's possible. Men and boys can be quite stubborn. Well, whlie you're waiting for Tenten, why don't you help me out?" she wets her lips, "I could use a skilled pair of hands for a moment."

I stand without much thought and approach her, "What with?"

She walks near the forge and pulls a solid steel blade, glimmering against the low light, from a short table. "How does this feel to you?" She lets me take the handle.

I heft the short sword, trying hard not to stare at the older woman's bulbous breasts. My fuzzy brain does a good job at keeping my eyes fixated on the cold metal. Almost like a kodachi, but much straighter. It's unfamiliar to me, having only studied common katana, nodachi and kodachi. And by 'studied' I mean read half a page out of an academy text book. It's heavy, but sturdy-looking. The hilt is not ornate, but feels comfortable. I hold it out in front of me, feeling its balance. The gold-embossed guard is small and thin.

"I'm... not the least bit comfortable with swords, but it is... surprisingly light." I smile, "Almost as light a well-made tea cup."

"A tea cup?" the woman rolls her eyes again, "I don't think I've ever had my work compared to something so trivial and mundane."

"S-sorry, I just mean, it seems very well made." I hand it back to her, "Certainly quick to swing with... though I'm not sure what kind of sword it is."

"It is something that was requested of me. I am not sure of it myself. You know, I have to make fifty of these things? They better not complain. I've done my best."

I nod, "Well, if I were into swords, I might consider using it. Katana have a tendency to snap or shatter. Most ninja know how to deal with common blades like that." I recite carefully, "Something like that could... surprise them. I think you've done a good job."

She smiles, "Thank you... Naruto."

She turns around and gathers molten iron from the forge, pouring into a mold with tongs. I watch her as she painstakingly works over the forge for almost an hour, creating another one of those flat, short blades. She smiles slightly to herself as she works, wiping her brow just as I hear the sound of a toilet flushing.

Tsuchi breathes deep, "Sounds like she's up. I suppose I'll get her breakfast ready then. Would you like to join her?"

"Oh, um, no thank you. I've already eaten." She nods and disappears behind the stairs. I peek around the corner and note how the kitchen and forge are closely linked together. Tenten's mother carefully prepares rice and salmon, "Tenten likes to eat alone up in her room." She mumbles, coming out of the kitchen, "Why don't you bring this up to her?"

I nod, taking the porcelain plate delicately covered in rice and sliced fish with both hands. As I enter the second floor hallway, the dark wooden door at the end of the hall opens.

Her hair drapes down over her face and neck, narrow shoulders expanding from a sleek neck, bones of her collar thin but popping prominently. A pink towel wrapped around her obfuscates the firm swell of her breasts and hips, her long dripping legs poking out below. Our eyes meet, her hand clutching the towel tight.

"Hi- erm, sorry. This is for you." My heart is pounding so fast all I can do is grin sheepishly and cover my eyes with my hand. I set the warm plate down on the ground and walk backwards down the unfamiliar stairs.

Only, I slip.

The world whirls around until I hear my flesh smash the ground. My back throbs. My arms spread out naturally, slapping the ground first as I landed hard on the strong wooden floor of the shop. I managed to pull my head back, preventing it from slamming into the floor.

Tsuchi runs out from the forge, just in time for me to let out a croak. Tenten stands at the top of the stairs. I think she screams, though it sounds like more of a shout that's a lot like my name or something.

But it's fine. I sit up and rub my head.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I stand shakily and Tsuchi moves, saying something about not moving but I tell her, "I'm really fine. It was just a fall. I'm not hurt."

The two women share a glance across the stairs. I look away from Tenten, "Sorry Tenten!"

"What are you doing here so early?" she asks exasperatedly.

"Just go get changed dear." Tsuchi sighs, "I think your friend was just a little too eager."

My cheeks smolder and I shake my head, doing my best to forget the whole thing.

* * *

I stand in front of Tenten's door, knocking lightly against it.

"You can come in." The girl sighs as I open the door, "I wasn't expecting you at all. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Thanks Tenten." I grin, "I know it's way too early, but... well, let's just say I didn't sleep well. Just been a bit restless is all. I had nothing to do so that's why I'm here. If you want to wait that's fine. Though, we could get started... as soon as you're done eating."

She sits cross legged on the mat of her bed. Black track pants cling to her legs. They seem a tad small, ends clamping down over her shins, the drawstring pulled tight around her waist. A navy mesh top sits on her shoulders, short sleeves not disguising the subtle muscles of her biceps. I note she must already work out quite a bit. Tenten sits up straighter as I walk deeper into her room, scanning it once more, noting some of the mess I'd seen has been spirited away. Her book case is nearly empty now. A pink bra that had laid in the corner of her room is now gone too. I say nothing of it and sit down close to her, but giving her space.

She uses metal chop sticks to carefully lift small bites of rice into her pale pink lips, chewing elegantly as she studies me. I uncomfortably swallow, smoothing my shorts with my hands as I sit. She smiles wryly.

"It's alright. I'm just surprised is all. Actually, I was pretty sure you wouldn't find this place."

"I know my way around Konoha." I say defensively, "There isn't a place I don't know about."

"Oh?" she laughs lightly, "I suppose most ninja would be like that." I look at her plate and notice all of her salmon is gone. She is a quick eater.

That reminds me. I frantically reach into my pocket, surprised to find that my tea cup is unscathed. I'm surprised, but thankful. Tenten blinks.

"What's that?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I just bought it on the way here." I reach out and set it on her bookcase, "I'll keep it here until it's time for me to go. I don't want to break it."

She nods, pushing the plate from her as her throat bobs, swallowing the food swiftly, "Well, I'm ready. We can start now. I'm curious to see what you can teach me."

It's only then I realize that I forgot the scrolls I had so carefully written. I sigh and slap my head. Tenten quirks her head.

"N-nevermind, I just forgot something is all. I... I'll give it to you later." I mumble, wondering if there will be one after this.

I start by standing up and taking a deep breath, "Well, this is... self defense training, right? So the first thing you need to realize is that... well, if you have to defend yourself, it's certainly... a lot different from being a ninja. But I think a lot of things still hold true. Although there's a lot of things we could cover first... probably the most basic thing is punching and kicking. You're going to need both of those skills... at least the basics of them, before we can talk about more advanced stuff." I say, my words unraveling as I speak. It doesn't feel genuine. My mind is empty. It's hard to think of what to say next. My heart is racing. Skin underneath my clothes slick and icy. But I shake my head and keep going, "So... like this." I strike the air quickly, "Is obviously a punch. A punch... it's good for striking soft areas like the stomach or the groin. It's... I mean you don't want to strike in the chest-" I punch again, imagining a body in front of me and punching out at its chest, "The chest is relatively soft, if firm, but- it doesn't really do any good to punch someone in the chest. The human body is built to absorb that kind of impact well there. The stomach offers less resistance, as do other spots. To some extent, you should punch the face, but you have to be careful. Parts of the face, particularly near the eyes and temple, are very, very bony. You might break parts of your hand, though you probably won't feel it until later. If you're going to punch the face, strike the nose... or to the side of the head." I pause, "The point of a punch... is... well the point of fighting at all- especially in your case - is to get the person to back down. You... can kill someone with a solid blow to the head, though it is difficult."

I look toward her and watch her expression. She nods curtly, still seated cross-legged, not saying a word.

"Why don't you try punching first?" Then I remember that we usually... should probably stretch just a little. But maybe later. I'd rather get her doing something active.

She stands slowly and sucks in a sharp breath. I get her started by aiming her fists ahead, while I stand behind her. She strike true and straight.

"Pretend you're aiming for the head."

I tell her to strike left, then right. She does so. Her stance is stiff. Feet planted like stones.

"Keep your feet spread evenly apart. Don't get on your toes, but keep them loose. You're not a statue. We'll- we'll talk about movement later."

As she strikes, I say softly, "Good Tenten. Just... don't hold your breath. You need to exhale when you punch and inhale when you're not."

She nods again, quietly obeying. I'm surprised with myself, but don't focus on whether I'm really teaching her correctly or not.

I watch how her arm ripples with each strike. Her bicep expands and clenches before each strike, fist flying out a little sluggishly.

"The most important thing is that - a punch... it's not about your arm. Don't tense it up like you're doing. A punch is about... fighting as a whole... it's about balancing... like, there's hard and soft martial arts - but really both of them have hard and soft aspects to them I guess. You want to be soft. You want to be... tight, but loose." I shake my head, that doesn't make any sense, "I think the problem here, though, is that... well it's not good to teach you like this. You need to hit something."

I walk around in front of her, "I want you to hit me." I explain closely, "In the chest." I point to my left breast over my dark top, meeting her eyes squarely, "I'm not making fun of you - you won't hurt me, I'll be okay. I'm... well, let's just say I can manipulate my chakra to heal my body rapidly. I can tell you have a lot of strength Tenten, you'd hurt just about anybody else if they just stood there like I'm doing."

That sour expression morphs into a slight smile.

"Just - so don't worry about me. But you need... you need to feel the connection. The resistance. I want you to punch me just as I've told you, right and left both aimed here. But when you strike, I want you to put your hip into it. Twist your body with each strike. Keep your knees slightly bent too. And breathe. Exhale. Okay? Start when you're read-urk!"

She doesn't hesitate at all. I buckle a little in surprise. Her fist echoes through my body. Her strike is near perfect. She exhales with the successive strike, her fist slamming into my chest much much faster now. Her arm is loose, but her body is behind each strike. My chest becomes numb after the third punch, pain ebbing away. I swallow, controlling my breathing, exhaling as Tenten strikes me, watching her carefully.

"Don't look where you strike Tenten. In this case, it's okay." Breathe, "Since you're striking the chest, but when you fight someone, always-" Smack, "Look them in the heart. Never look someone in the eye. Never let your eyes di-" Slap. "-ctate where you attack. That's telegraphing." Breathe, "If you look someone in the heart, you will be able to see where their arms and legs are at all times." She becomes even more focused, her attacks becoming faster, making it more difficult to talk. "And since you will never strike the heart," Breathe, "-you will never telegraph your strike."

She continues to wail on me for about a minute. She works herself into a rhythm. It's hard not to. The whole body is moving in tandem, like a machine. I used to make the same mistake. Thankfully, even I grew out of it. I know what I have to do. As she pulls her left arm back and hurls the right one forward, I take a single step back.

Tenten lets out an, "Eep!" as she stumbles forward. I catch her without thinking, my hands on her shoulders. I avert my eyes and let her go, "You were leaning forward. Never lean into your punch. And never anticipate a strike, you can't be put off balance because you anticipate contact or movement." I murmur, breathing hard. I finally notice she is too. "Let's stop for a moment and rest. You can ask me any questions if you want to."

"Water." She says after a few ragged breaths, dark eyes blinking rapidly.

"Oh, right. I'll ask your mom."

* * *

I return with a tall glass of water and a pitcher. Tenten takes it greedily and gulps it down. A light film of sweat covers her bronzed flesh, her mesh top sticking to her flesh, her neck and forehead shimmering.

"It's very important to control your breathing." I mumble, "And, as you can tell, it's really important to build up stamina. It's... not like in those movies you know? When you fight, you get winded quickly. A real fight... it probably only lasts a few seconds. Against multiple opponents, it shouldn't last more than a minute. If it does... you won't have the stamina to go on."

She nods mutely, continuing to swallow water. I pour more for her.

She eventually puts the glass down with a sigh, a smile fluttering to her lips, "Well, that was a good start. What's next?"

"Probably... blocking I guess." I take the glass from her and put the tray with the pitcher on her bookcase, "Though... to be perfectly honest Tenten... I don't think I can teach you blocking. I mean- I don't really do it. If I do, it's just an instinct. I just cover my face like this." I say, putting my bent arms in front of me like a shield, "The academy teaches a rigid style of blocking specific attacks... but I never learned it. I refused to. I guess... I didn't like it."

"So you can't teach me that? How do you deal with someone attacking you then?"

"I... I mainly dodge I guess. I don't know if I can teach you that." I scratch the back of my head and laugh, "You see... growing up... I kinda got in a lot of fights. I just learned to dodge. It's never fun taking a hit, even if you block it." I look down at my feet, "But I guess I could show you what I do. I... I should probably teach you the basics of blocking, if I can remember how it was taught to me. But maybe we should start with positioning instead."

I show her how to position her feet. They must be equally apart, with a dominant foot forward, "Your stance is very important, but it's not really something you should be thinking about. You can't afford to think about where you feet are at, at all times, so... just remember this."

I punch, "When you punch," I put my forward, "Slide the same-side foot with it. This will give your punch more power and it will stabilize you." I punch with my other arm, my foot swinging in-time with it, "Thus, every punch becomes a step, and every step a strike. The point of doing this... is mostly so you don't actually waste your footwork. You want to make the fewest amount of steps as possible, while moving as far as you can. 'Cause, each step you take eats up a lot of time, so the less steps you have, the less time it takes to move somewhere you need to be." I swallow, tongue tangling about itself, asking Tenten to strike slowly. I help her with her footwork for several minutes, doing so much as to bend low and pick up her foot for her, feeling her soft, clammy sock-clad feet against my hands, and place it properly. She seems to understand what I'm saying, though her body isn't used to moving in such a rigid, regimented fashion.

I don't linger long on footwork because even I stumble a lot when I fight. I don't have any better pointers than what I've told her. I've retained so little knowledge of how to fight, I'm surprised I got as far as I did. Why the academy even let me continue to come... after the the day the godaime took office, I'll never understand. Was it because I was special? But then why let me fail? Why not instruct me properly? But then, why instruct me at all? Maybe they just didn't care? Maybe I was just an experiment? I might have potential for what I am, someone up there thought, but then decided I was worthless, that I lacked the skill to be a useful ninja?

I don't really understand it. I know that they must know - it must be why they hate me. But then why even give me a chance? It's probably something I'll never understand. Especially now that I'm no longer... affiliated with them. I wonder if some ANBU has been told to keep tabs on me, now that I'm free? Or am I really? I wonder if I could even leave the village on my own. Somehow I doubt it. They don't hardly let anyone leave anymore. Not unless you're exiled. They can't ever trust you if you return.

"Naruto?"

"Oh, right, sorry. I dazed off there."

She grins and sits down, "Let's take a break. I think I'm starting to realize that you're serious about this... and that I have a lot to learn."

"Oh, umm... sure-"

"I'm really enjoying this. You're a good teacher." She says simply, like it's a fact, "It's hard to believe... you're a genin right? You just graduated? You're almost my age."

"Yeah, I... I am." Why does it feel hot all of a sudden? Oh right. Probably turning up the forge downstairs or something.

"You're really skilled. Or at least, you seem that way to me."

I nod, "Yeah... well, I'm not very skilled, believe it or not. Not compared to... Sasuke, or that Neji guy." I huff.

I blink, shocked like I'd just been charged by static electricity. Tenten's warm hand slides softly against the side of my arm, "Don't be like that." She pulls it away.

A half-hearted thanks erupts from my whimsical lips. I swallow, unsure what else to say. Tenten looks away, "When do you have your next mission?"

"Oh umm, not for a while. This is... an instructional period."

"I see." She nods, "So you can come tomorrow?"

"Oh- well, of course I can. If you want me to. Though, I wanted to teach you one more thing, unless you want to stop for today."

She nods, "Actually, I'd rather not get too heavy today." She looks away, staring at the clock for a while, "Time flew fast. We spent over an hour on all that. I don't want to kill myself," she giggles, "In-case you didn't notice yesterday, but I was beat. Went on a little hike through the reservation. I wouldn't mind if we did something else to cool off instead."

"Like what?"

She shrugs, "What do you like to do?"

I don't think it would be good if I admitted I was a training maniac. When I wasn't training, I was usually doing chores or odd-jobs to offset the rent, sleeping, or eating. Or at the academy.

"Well, I guess I like to explore. It's kind of dumb... but up near the Hokage monument, I like to spend my time... just lazing around. There's also a crystal clear little pond created by a small water, in the summer, I'll swim there for a little while. I used to... play stick samurai with some kids that hung around there, when I was younger."

She giggles, "That doesn't sound dumb at all. But... stick-samurai?"

"Sure. You find a nice long stick and... then, well, I guess that's the dumb part. Besides, girls can't be samurai." I stick out my tongue, "So you can't play it anyway."

"You wouldn't want to face Mom playing stick-samurai." She grins.

"I... I think you're right actually. She's... she's built."

A ruckus explodes from bun-haired teen, "D-don't, don't say that too loud. Mom would kill you. She's really sensitive about her... umm... figure."

I swallow thickly, "I won't."

"Don't piss her off either. Dad... used to tell me stories about what she did to her ex-boyfriends."

"I can imagine."

"No." Her bangs fly as she shakes her head emphatically, "No, you really can't. When I was younger, I saw her... well, she used to enter kenjutsu tournaments. She would give high level ninja trouble... in a fair fight. She's... well she used to be really fast." Her voice sags, though I don't feel comfortable inquiring.

I nod, "Well, we could always see a movie I guess."

She looks at me curiously, "A movie? Well, that sounds fun, but... I don't think I know of anything good that's playing today."

I nod, "I don't really have much money on me either."

She hums to herself. My gaze endures until I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. It's stifling hot in her room, but it's comfortable here. I can keep the craziness at bay. My heart flutters at her compliments, making me think... that maybe I can teach a little bit.

Eventually, Tenten stands and stretches, declaring that we'll just find a movie to watch, and if there's nothing good, maybe she'll show me "something special". Whatever that is.

We wave to her mother and pass out onto the sidewalk, heading toward a small theater on the second largest street in Konoha. We pass by high fashion encased in glass and expensive jewelry, occasionally a dirty stare directed our way, but thankfully Tenten doesn't seem to notice. Idle chat occupies the long pauses of comfortable silence. She asks about my parents. I lie. She asks about my training as a ninja. I lie some more. She asks if I'll show her my favorite jutsu sometime. I lie again, swallowing hard at the thought. Our conversation drifts toward her schooling.

"I'll be graduating this year." She says, a grin slithering onto her lips, "I'm not sure if I'll be going to the university though. My grades are good, but... it's expensive. I don't think I'll qualify for assistance either." She sighs.

"Hey, well, you're smart Tenten. You picked up things quickly today, so... even if you can't get go there... you won't have to take your mother's place or anything. I'm sure you'll find a good job somewhere. Something you like to do instead."

She shakes her head, "I suppose I don't know what I want, but my options are dim."

I laugh, "Better than mine."

"You're a ninja."

"That doesn't mean anything." I lie, unsure what to say.

She shrugs, "Even low-ranked ninja have stable, secure pay. Better than what you can get working even in a ritzy shop like that." She points at an imports store, luxurious silk garb on display.

"I suppose so."

"Mom says I should find a nice guy." She glances at me.

"Yeah?"

"Making it on your own is tough."

"It... certainly is." I mumble.

She looks away.

* * *

The mood becomes less bleak when we stop at the theater. She pays for the both of us. I don't let it bother me.

We sit down in a dark room. The red seats are soft and comfortable. A bit too much. I didn't get any sleep, so it's tempting to close my eyes. Especially because I know the movie we're about to see is terrible. Tenten I think, knows this too.

We share a few giggles in the empty room. The movie is really bad. It's a lame love story. We walk out on it toward the end.

"I can't take that kind of stuff." I gasp, pretending to vomit outside on the sidewalk, passerby giving me strange looks.

Tenten's cheeks glow as she laughs, "It was really sappy."

I shake my head, "My insides are not fuzzy. They should never feel like they are. It's wrong to subject people to that kind of sensation."

She nods curtly, holding back a polite laugh, looking up at the sky.

"It's noon."

"Yeah."

"And you have classes tomorrow."

"Yep."

"So I imagine you don't want me to tell you your Mom told me to tell you, that you should do your chores when you get home."

She smirks, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"That's what I thought." I groan, "You are a handful."

"You better believe it. You don't know what you got yourself into, offering to help me."

The air feels warmer than it should, I almost suggest we go swimming just to waste the day away. But it's October. It's too cold for that sort of thing.

"You know," she says, turning, her back toward the sun, light filtering through her hair majestically, "How about you teach me how to use those throwing knives you were carrying around." She stretches with a groan and I blush, the way she twists her spine makes her breasts press through her dark top.

"Sure."

"But, you know, as much as I think I like the idea of learning more about ninja, it seems like you're doing this all for nothing."

I shrug, "Maybe I am."

"What if I think you have a reason?"

I start to walk away, beckoning her, "I didn't bring any kunai with me, but I think there are some ones left in the training field I use a lot. It's not far from here."

She repeats her statement, "You're helping me because I'm a girl." Her tone is snide, but playful.

"I'm helping you... because..." I don't look at her, wondering briefly, "Well, I don't know why. But it's not that. You know, I never got along with anyone else in the academy? I generally don't help anyone but myself. So maybe this was just a crazy whim of mine."

I glance back at her. Her lips sag, though I can't read her expression. She huffs, "I guess it can wait."

"What can?"

"Nevermind." She says in sing-song.

"Oh come on. Say it. I don't care what you think I'm helping you for. I really don't have a reason."

"Just forget about it. I have plenty of time to tell you." She giggles.

"Whatever."

We walk up the sidewalk, it growing in incline. It takes us about half an hour to reach the grove with the dilapidated training log. Tenten seems drawn to the stump, noting the damage it has received curiously.

"Nice place huh?"

She looks around, studying the twisting and bending trees, the tall glasses that lick her ankles, the sun reflecting off a small dank pool that gathers near a small wooden table, "I guess so. Don't tell me this is your doing?"

I shrug, combing through the field until I find one of my abandoned tip is slightly chipped, but its weight is mostly normal.

"Come over here. Let's practice on one of these trees."

"Are you sure? I was thinking maybe we could use the same style of training this morning, you know, where I get to throw kunai at you? It won't hurt right?"

"Umm... that really doesn't sound like a good idea Tenten. I can bleed."

She laughs lightly, "I'm just kidding."

"I'm not so sure I believe that."

She giggles, "What? I don't look innocent to you?"

"You look anything but."

She huffs and I reach out and hand her the kunai. I spend about half an hour explaining her how to hold and throw it so that the kunai maintains velocity while in the air. It's really surprising, but she seems to nail the trees I mark out for her.

"You're... amazing Tenten. I don't think... anybody... I mean you're a natural."

She shrugs, "I don't know, it's not much different than baseball."

I shake my head, "No, I think it is. You have some talent."

She gushes a little, begging me to bring shuriken next time, "Me? Don't you have a ton? Your Mom must make them by the dozen, right?"

"Oh, I think she'd kill you if she found out you were teaching me how to use those."

Tenten's stomach rumbles, mine with it. It's inevitable that we give up on training. She takes me to her favorite dango shop - we don't have much of a lunch. It's mostly sweets and junk food. I tease her about her figure, but she shrugs it off, "Mom'll make me practice forging again this week. Do you have any idea how many pounds you could use up in sweat just pouring molds? I owe it to myself to eat junk food."

We leave the dango shop, but not before a crisis presents itself. Yamanaka Ino is in plain sight, walking down the sidewalk. Of all the things that could happen. I reach out and Tenten let's out slight yelp as my fingers clench around hers. I pull her along, "H-hey! Naruto? What do you think you're doing? Let go!"

I slow down and look over my shoulder when we round a corner.

"What was that about?" she grumbles.

"Sorry. I saw someone I knew. If she'd seen me with you... it probably would have been ugly." Sometimes it's easy to tell the truth. I grin.

She smiles at that, "Ex-girlfriend huh?"

"No, nothing like that. Just... an annoying person from the academy. She likes to spread rumors about other people."

"Ahh." She winks, "Don't want any rumors going around that little Naruto is with a civilian girl."

"No... nothing like that at all. I just don't like her. I'd rather if you never met her."

"You've just gone and made me curious Naruto-kun."

It's only then I realize she's been calling me "Naruto-kun" since this morning. It makes my cheeks burn just slightly, wondering why it sounded so... why it... to come from her... well, anyway.

I shake my head, "C'mon, let's take you home. You should do your chores."

She folds her arms over her chest, standing rigid, "It's only one. We've the rest of the day. And... my chores can wait."

"Well, your mom will get mad at me if you don't do them..."

"Why? They're my responsibility. She hardly knows you anyway."

I sigh, "Well... I guess I'm surprised you still want to do something." My head aches and it's hard to keep my eyes open.

"I'm insatiable." Those lips form a now-familiar smirk, "Now come on, lets go head somewhere before your ex-girlfriend finds us."

"I told you! She's not my ex-girlfriend!" Tenten giggles and dashes off, forcing me to chase after her.

* * *

It's not until the sky is bleeding a brass-y orange that we turn onto a deserted red brick street, stopping as it turns to pavement again. Tenten is really tired, I can tell by the way her shoulders are slumped and the sluggish gait she now carries. But there's still a wild fire in her eyes, it takes some convincing for us to call it a day. We stop a little ways from the forge.

"Don't show up again at eight in the morning." She says simply, "I have school. I get out at four. Stop by here around four thirty." She grins, "Got it?"

"Of course, Kin-sama." I bow dramatically.

"Good."

When I look up, she's gone. The door closing fast in the distance. The street spanning out until it splits into two at an incline, stout houses and shops spanning into the horizon.

My heart is pounding. I think I was expecting something more. But I'm not surprised.

I look at my hands, recalling her touch. It's... been a while since I did anything besides train. Today... was a good diversion. But I can't let myself be sidetracked. Time slips away fast, and I need to...

"Tenten expects me to have some amazing jutsu. Like a magician or something. Well, I suppose I'll have to teach something... something flashy to show her." I nod to myself. Tomorrow. I'll do it in less than a day. I need to move forward. I may have failed to create stupid bunshin, but I must be able to learn some other kind of jutsu, right?

I walk home, passing by wolfish packs of greasy thugs. Sinister heckles reach out across the street as I pass. I pay them no mind, keeping my distance. When I get home, climbing the tall stair case toward the top of the rotted building, and slur together something to eat, I slide onto my bed and slip into oblivion.


End file.
